Random thoughts: 23 Dec 2019

This is quite personal and I don’t really want to write it down here, but have no other options because my diary notebook is left at the laboratory.

I just realised what I totally lacked right now is my self-esteem. I appreciate myself less as a single entity, and judge myself based on how others appreciated me or how I behave as part of the social.

Seriously, I would never have thought that the boy who was full of self-confidence that day will become this desperate man. I tend to think I’m worthwhile only when I’m surrounded by others. I waited for people to say how they appreciated me in order to feel somewhat “valuable”.

Thinking of those old days when I could fully say to myself that I’m worthwhile the way I am. I would never have a good answer on why and how I became like this.

The only thing I know is that it’s pretty sucked. Seriously.

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